Thursday, July 06, 2006

My Least Favorite New York Bank Ads

Obviously there are a lot of annoying bank ads out there, most of which prompt me to want to go back to the barter system. But until copyediting and snarky comments become gold, I guess I’m stuck getting charged 50 cents every time I want to write a check. (It’s called a checking account! I don’t get it!) Here are, in my opinion, the worst bank ads out there.
5. HSBC: the diversity bank. HSBC has these ads up in the subway showing, for instance, a hipster and an Orthodox Jew. And then they’re all like, “no matter who you are we’ll take your money!” I guess they’re trying to make the point that New York has all types of people in it. (Waaa???) The worst ad says “New York is...” and then lists a bunch of different attributes over people of various color’s faces. And as someone who often writes copy for a living, let me say that the adjectives they picked are truly horrible. Of course there are ones like “inspiring” and “alluring,” but there are also more bad ones than good ones, like “gross,” “overrated,” “cruel,” and “rotten.” So apparently they assume most people who live here don’t like it here. (Have they ever met a New Yorker?) And then there are the ones that no one would ever use to describe New York, like “dull,” and my favorite, “quiet.” (But there’s no “loud.”) What gets me here is, at some point someone (probably an intern), had to come up with a list of words, and then someone else had to approve that list. So how did they come up with words like “hairy”? As an editor, let me let you in on a little trick of the trade, people: a thesaurus. In fact, one comes with your computer! Shift F7, motherfuckers!
4. Regis and Kelly love Commerce. Wow, all Regis and Kelly have to do all day is run around dumping their change into the sorter at Commerce Bank and telling others about how convenient it is. I’m sorry, but just from walking past that bank I’ve never seen a line of less than ten people. Still, those chipper fuckers almost have me convinced.
3. Citibank—“Live Richly.” OK, why don’t I start by not paying you $9.50 just for breathing every month. Stop treating me like some kind of whore who you tell you’re banging because she’s interesting to talk to, Citibank.
2. Roxy’s first paycheck. This commercial, by Chase, is so bad that I actually purchased a remote just so that when I start hearing the Mary Tyler Moore Show Theme Song cover I can change the channel. It stars a blonde girl (her name is “Roxy,” or something equally annoying), who, at the beginning of the commercial, is just totally superpsyched to get her first paycheck!!! While the music plays, she deposits her check at Chase, then goes out for sushi with her friends (paying via debit card), gets an cell-phone alert about having money while kissing a dude by a fountain, and even goes to see a romantic movie with him. Isn’t being a young woman in New York with a Chase account grand?!
1. Wachovia—Now we’re just fucking with you. I saw this ad last night, by Wachovia. It’s the heartwarming story by an actual customer who’s son is going on vacation the next day. But oh no, he’s forgotten his passport in the safe deposit box, and it’s Christmas! What to do? Clearly, the answer is to call your friendly Wachovia representative at home to have them come to the bank the next morning and open it. While this ad is the most annoying, it actually makes me want to switch to Wachovia, just so I can ask the banker for his or her home phone number, “you know, in case I need to call you on Christmas! And can I have your cell, too?”

(photo via citynoise)


Anonymous said...

I like citibank's stolen identity commercials.

Evie Garland said...

They aren't bad. And I actually quite like the Washington Mutual ones were the guy comes into the meeting and says, "Sorry I'm late. I had a job interview....Nailed it!"