Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Grey's Anatomy Sexcapades: A helpful chart

(Click to enlarge)

In honor of tomorrow night's return of Grey's Anatomy, I've updated my helpful spreadsheet of the intricate social network of Seattle Grace. Print it out and reference during the show, or give to friends who've just started watching. It's color-coded for your convenience!

I hadn't updated it in six months, so I had a lot of Alex's squares to fill in--he's now head-to-head (pun intended) with George in the interhospital bangs race. I had to introduce a new color (orange) in an attempt to define Derek and Meredith's ridiculous relationship (which everyone is so sick of that the creator of the show has promised to get them together for good). But most surprisingly to me, the only red ("in a relationship") square on the current chart is Dr. Bailey and Mr. Bailey's, in which I was forced to note "in trouble." This, of course, means there are dozens of possible couplings. Here are my predictions:

The sure things
1. Hahn and Sloane
2. Derek and Kissyface (afterwards, he will reunite with Meredith, of course)
3. George and Lexie

My dream hookups
1. Karev and Izzie (um, again)
2. Derek and Addison (afterwards, he will reunite with Meredith, of course)
3. Cristina and anyone—when is that girl gonna get laid already?

My nightmare hookups
1. The Chief and Bailey
2. George and Bailey
3. Callie and Bailey (actually, I would love that one, but if people start crossing the fence it's really going to screw with my spreadsheet)

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Best TV pilot ever

Owen Wilson as a talking motorcycle
Jack Black as his rider/a former astronaut
Ron Silver in his best role since Rhoda

How had I never heard of Heat Vision and Jack?

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Friday Night Lights (the kids call it FNL)

Well, I just finished watching season one of Friday Night Lights on hulu. It's joined the ranks of Six Feet Under, Lost, Heroes, and The Shield as TV shows I've binged on. And yep, I guess it's the latest show I'll try to get you to watch. After watching 20-odd episodes in 3 days, here were some of my thoughts:

1. Kyle Chandler is fucking hot! I imdb'ed him and it turns out he's the dude from Early Edition—remember that show? where the guy gets a newspaper from the future every day? I didn't remember seeing anyone this hot on the ads for that show, so I checked out the archival footage. Sure enough: not hot (it's the 90's leather jacket!), BUT I did discover that it also starred Fisher Stevens! (??!). So I'm hoping maybe, after Fisher's successful turn on Lost, he can go guest star on Friday Night Lights? But I digress.

2. It's a constant shock to me how little nudity there is on this show! How is it possible we haven't seen Riggins' ass yet?! I didn't realize NBC was so prude...but maybe they're trying to make it a "family" show? In any event, I'm mad I don't get to see the Coach follow through on this bedroom eyes.

3. Hulu needs to get some more corporate sponsorships. At the beginning of each episode, I would cross my fingers and say, "Please not Chili's!" Their 15-second spots invited the viewer to "Pepper in some WOW!" with their "big-mouth bites." In the 30-second spots, a bunch of 20-somethings are in a car trying to decide what to do. Then one of the girls (who were thin as a rail and twice as attractive as their male counterparts) gets the AWESOME idea to go to CHILI's to get their "Smokehouse Bacon Burger," (follow that link, you won't regret it) whose tagline is literally "the thickest strips of bacon you've ever seen." Ironically, the company that has the best ads is Cisco (and one of them even features the executive phone!)

4. Have I mentioned how sexy Kyle Chandler is? I've never found football remotely interesting until now. Suddenly I find it kind of hot.

5. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe this is the first TV show to ever portray a wheelchair-bound person in such a major role. I have no idea what I would think if I was in a wheelchair, but the writers seem to do a good job with it. As soon as I thought, "wouldn't Mexico be less handicap accessible?" Jason can't get over a curb. I should also mention that Scott Porter, who plays him, is excellent, as are all the other no-name teenage actors on the show.

6. ...the actresses, on the other hand, I can't decide if I like or not. (And could Layla look any less like her parents?) I also don't get why there are no awkward, unattractive, or really smart women on the show.

7. Tim Riggins = white trash Baby Dayliner

8. Every time someone refers to linebacker "Smash," I think of LT Smash from the Simpsons: "That's right, Leuitenant LT Smash."

Saturday, April 05, 2008

This is for all you Doogie lovers out there

Like many of you, I am a long-time NPH fan. (That's Neil Patrick Harris, for all of you not in the know.) Granted, I haven't seen anything he did between Starship Troopers (a movie that I have seen half-a-dozen times, thanks to some inexplicable obsession the boys in my high school had with it) and Harold and Kumar. Here's a little gallery of NPH-related video clips I thought you all might enjoy.

When I saw Harold and Kumar, I had taped it off tbs. They had overdubbed this scene--where we learn that the Doogie line always works on strippers--to the point of non-comprehension. Luckily youtube had it in its entirety.

Want to see NPH and Jason Segel sing a duet from Les Miserables? I thought so. Here is the best moment ever to air on the talk show of the lady who played Karen on Will & Grace.

Speaking of my new favorite show How I Met Your Mother, this behind-the-scenes clip of NPH talking about the "Beyonce pose" that he strikes after getting out of the shower is priceless.

Unfortunately, Hulu doesn't have "Summer of '91" (aka the ep where Doogie loses his virginity to Wanda), but it does have the prom episode:

Neil Patrick Harris: Is there anything he can't do?

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

We also have crappier chairs

my new phone

the fancy phones, but the ones in my office have a lovely photo taken from a parking lot.

I think it's entirely appropriate that my last post about work (a year and a half ago) was about my phone, because today we got new phones in the office. We were warned, however, that they weren't "going live" until May, and until then, we could only receive calls on our old phone. Unless someone called from one of the new phones. Such was the joke all day when someone would call. "You're supposed to call me on the new phone!!" "Ooops, sorry."[click] This was especially fun because our new phones come with a kajillion different ringing options ("ring tones" as the kids call them). Everything from "saxophone 1" to "chirp 2" to "CTU-24," which sounds exactly like the phones...well, in CTU on 24.

It wasn't long until we bottom-dwellers began to notice that our bosses had different phones than us. Equipped with a touch-screen with a gorgeous photo of one of our retail stores on it, these symbols of our corporate caste system seem to have no different features than our own phones. Though the Cisco website does note that while our phones are considerd "entry-level," (it actually says that) the fancy phones, ""provide a high degree of flexibility for exciting new productivity applications." Oooo.

Honestly, I'm not sure I want one of the Executive phones, even though (according to the internet) theirs cost $600 and mine only cost $200. Even my lowly one, with all its special features, makes me feel old. "I don't need all this technology!" I grumble, as my LCD-screen informs me that I have a voicemail and an mp3 of the message appears in my email inbox. I don't even know how it did that. And it opens in iTunes, where I keep old David Bowie songs and my entire Radiohead collection.

But that doesn't mean I'm not going to try to figure out how to get a picture of my ass on every phone in an office with a door.