Saturday, March 31, 2007

Afternoon Movie Review: The Bodyguard

There are some movies you don't rent, you don't buy, you don't even think, "gee, I'd like to see that." But then they come on TV on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon and you sit in your sweatpants a d watch them in their entirety. You know the ones I'm talking about: Ghost, Three Men and a Baby, Happy Gilmore. Kevin Costner stars in a lot of these movies, like Bull Durham, Field of Dreams, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, and the subject of today's Afternoon Movie Review: The Bodyguard.

The Bodyguard follows a perfect Afternoon Movie plotline. Man meets woman and they don't like each other; Woman realizes man secretly has a hard-on for her; Woman unsheaves man's sword (in this case, the silk-cutting samurai kind); Man decides their night of passion can never happen again and woman gets pissed; Man decides he's leaving but gets drawn back because of a sense of duty; Man saves woman; woman stops plane and runs out and kisses him; brief "5 years later" scene; the credits roll in about 3.5 seconds so the network can cram more ads in.

Kevin Costner is perfect in this role. He's the unassuming guy who you tell yourself you don't think is hot but really you're totally willing to sit around to wait for him to get laid. And there's no denying this is Whitney Houston's best role ever. The movie even has the "creepy, almost albino-looking" character, and the hardened-man-is-actually-quite-good-with-kids theme. The only thing that could have made this movie better was a little more making out (only three scenes in the entire 2 hours), a tad more hand-to-hand combat (who doesn't want to see Kevvy punching someone out in the name of love?), and a scene where someone gets drunk and confesses something.

The best part about The Bodyguard was that it kept me from vacuuming. Now that it is over I will start the productive part of my day, sucking up cat hair and thinking about becoming famous so I can hire a sturdy man with a gun to protect me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

a bodyguard confession

I think I bought a VHS of the bodyguard for my mom one Christmas or maybe it was the soundtrack, but either way, we own both the vhs and the soundtrack.

We saw it at the movie theatre, too.
I feel much better now.