Obviously there are a lot of annoying bank ads out there, most of which prompt me to want to go back to the barter system. But until copyediting and snarky comments become gold, I guess I’m stuck getting charged 50 cents every time I want to write a check. (It’s called a
checking account! I don’t get it!) Here are, in my opinion, the worst bank ads out there.
5. HSBC: the diversity bank. HSBC has these ads up in the subway showing, for instance, a hipster and an Orthodox Jew. And then they’re all like, “no matter who you are we’ll take your money!” I guess they’re trying to make the point that New York has all types of people in it. (Waaa???) The worst ad says “New York is...” and then lists a bunch of different attributes over people of various color’s faces. And as someone who often writes copy for a living, let me say that the adjectives they picked are truly horrible. Of course there are ones like “inspiring” and “alluring,” but there are also more bad ones than good ones, like “gross,” “overrated,” “cruel,” and “rotten.” So apparently they assume most people who live here don’t like it here. (Have they ever met a New Yorker?) And then there are the ones that no one would ever use to describe New York, like “dull,” and my favorite, “quiet.” (But there’s no “loud.”) What gets me here is, at some point someone (probably an intern), had to come up with a list of words, and then someone else had to approve that list. So how did they come up with words like “hairy”? As an editor, let me let you in on a little trick of the trade, people: a thesaurus. In fact, one comes with your computer! Shift F7, motherfuckers!
4. Regis and Kelly love Commerce. Wow, all Regis and Kelly have to do all day is run around dumping their change into the sorter at Commerce Bank and telling others about how convenient it is. I’m sorry, but just from walking past that bank I’ve never seen a line of less than ten people. Still, those chipper fuckers almost have me convinced.
3. Citibank—“Live Richly.” OK, why don’t I start by not paying you $9.50 just for breathing every month. Stop treating me like some kind of whore who you tell you’re banging because she’s interesting to talk to, Citibank.
2. Roxy’s first paycheck. This commercial, by Chase, is so bad that I actually purchased a remote just so that when I start hearing the Mary Tyler Moore Show Theme Song cover I can change the channel. It stars a blonde girl (her name is “Roxy,” or something equally annoying), who, at the beginning of the commercial, is just totally superpsyched to get her first paycheck!!! While the music plays, she deposits her check at Chase, then goes out for sushi with her friends (paying via debit card), gets an cell-phone alert about having money while kissing a dude by a fountain, and even goes to see a romantic movie with him. Isn’t being a young woman in New York with a Chase account grand?!
1. Wachovia—Now we’re just fucking with you. I saw this ad last night, by Wachovia. It’s the heartwarming story by an
actual customer who’s son is going on vacation the next day. But oh no, he’s forgotten his passport in the safe deposit box, and it’s Christmas! What to do? Clearly, the answer is to call your friendly Wachovia representative
at home to have them come to the bank the next morning and open it. While this ad is the most annoying, it actually makes me want to switch to Wachovia, just so I can ask the banker for his or her home phone number, “you know, in case I need to call you on Christmas! And can I have your cell, too?”
(photo via
citynoise)
Here's an ad that appeals to us Bachelor lovers. The only thing thing that could have made this ad better is if they put "woo" in quotations marks, rather than capitalizing it.
Come on, a kit? All you need is a $3 pair of nylons—anyone who subscribed to my high school e-newsletter knows that. But the ad gets points for its picture, which is just on the verve of graphic.
Simon & Simon: I think this show is about a 1970s Shane Vendrel, his gay buddy, and their dog Hooch.
1. I'm in the back seat of a car with some people, on our way to a pool. Through a conversation we're having, I come to realize that the edition of Gone with the Wind that I have was not the original one. In both of our versions Rhett and Scarlett went to see a movie together, but in my version, the movie they go see is Star Wars, and there's a lot of talk about Star Wars. But in the real version, they went to see a different movie, and the version I have was a special promotional version that was put out when Star Wars came out. Suddenly it all seems so obvious--of course, Star Wars wasn't even out during the Civil War! and I say, "look, the only picture in mine is of a space ship from Star Wars!" I am devastated not only because I had been duped, but because the version of the book I have was my mother's, and its inscribed to her from her mother. And no one knew all along that it was the wrong version.
3. At I'm work, which has relocated to two doors down from my apartment building. Howard K. Stern calls me from Anna Nicole's wake, or maybe it was Danilynn's birthday, I don't know. I'm pretty psyched about this because he wants to do a book, like an autobiography or something, with us, and I think it's going to make a ton of money. The next thing I know, he's in my cubicle, shaking the back of my chair, and he talks me into getting up and waltzing with him in space between our cubicles.
6. My mom stabs Alan Arkin in the back of the neck.
3. Laura San Giacomo is more Kit than Maya
