Grey's Anatomy Sexcapades: A helpful chart

(Click to enlarge)


In honor of tomorrow night's return of Grey's Anatomy, I've updated my helpful spreadsheet of the intricate social network of Seattle Grace. Print it out and reference during the show, or give to friends who've just started watching. It's color-coded for your convenience!

I hadn't updated it in six months, so I had a lot of Alex's squares to fill in--he's now head-to-head (pun intended) with George in the interhospital bangs race. I had to introduce a new color (orange) in an attempt to define Derek and Meredith's ridiculous relationship (which everyone is so sick of that the creator of the show has promised to get them together for good). But most surprisingly to me, the only red ("in a relationship") square on the current chart is Dr. Bailey and Mr. Bailey's, in which I was forced to note "in trouble." This, of course, means there are dozens of possible couplings. Here are my predictions:

The sure things
1. Hahn and Sloane
2. Derek and Kissyface (afterwards, he will reunite with Meredith, of course)
3. George and Lexie

My dream hookups
1. Karev and Izzie (um, again)
2. Derek and Addison (afterwards, he will reunite with Meredith, of course)
3. Cristina and anyone—when is that girl gonna get laid already?

My nightmare hookups
1. The Chief and Bailey
2. George and Bailey
3. Callie and Bailey (actually, I would love that one, but if people start crossing the fence it's really going to screw with my spreadsheet)

Grey's Anatomy, I can't but love your hospital drama

This season, I told myself I was over Grey's Anatomy. I mean, the show is ridiculous. Meredith keeps sabotaging her relationship with the hottest brain surgeon in the world because she's damaged or whatever, George got married to someone he didn't even like that much just so the writers could have some interhospital drama, and Burke left Christina at the altar for the ol' "I love you more than you love me" reason employed in season one of ER when Dr. "Tag" Tagilieri left Carol Hathaway at the altar, paving the way for George Clooney to sweep in.

Which reminds me, I stuck around ER for seasons after it was good--I had to watch Dr. Greene hook up with the horrible British lady before he died full of regrets, for Abby to hook up with Carter like we knew she wanted to and then to have it go badly for pretty much no reason other than Noah Wyle wanted to get his ass off the show, and for Dr. Pratt to come be the new Dr. Benton.

That's why, after getting totally swept up in Grey's again (every time Patrick Dempsey turns on those bedroom eyes I just can't help myself), I have decided that Grey's Anatomy and ER should just combine into the same show. Let Luka be the Chief, have Jon Stamos play Sloan, and let Linda Cardellini inject a bit of Lindsay Weir's angst into Meredith Gray.

But until all my pop culture dreams come true, please enjoy this updated Gray's Anatomy: Who's Slept with Whom spreadsheet, color-coded for your convenience. (Click to enlarge)

WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO WATCH "SWEET HOME ALABAMA"

Dear Readers,

Perhaps you've seen the advertisements on the Lifetime network for 3 nights of the movie Sweet Home Alabama. "Reese Witherspoon is marrying McDreamy!" it proclaims. This sounds promising. Could be good, you think. That Patrick Dempsey is awful handsome, and Reese is so cute.

That's what I thought, and I watched this movie in its entirety, waiting and waiting for even one scene I could enjoy. But it's bad. It's so bad I rated it only one star ("I Hated It") on netflix, a rating shared only with What Women Want, Batman & Robin, Rocky V, Coyote Ugly, American Pie 2, and Little Man (another movie I was forced to watch on the bus to Boston). Patrick Dempsey doesn't even get the girl at the end. And Reese as at her most annoying. The only good reason to watch this movie is if you've seen that Johnny Cash movie, so you can marvel at what a better actress Reese is now than when she first started out. Because she (and Dempsey, for that matter) are both horrible is this boring, unheartfelt film filled with every stereotype in the book.

I know it's raining out, but stay away from Lifetime people, for your own good.

Like a ditzy, low self-esteem Rhoda

I don't really know what to say about the huge disappointment that was Thursday night's Grey's Anatomy/Addison spinoff. And it's gotten bad reviews everywhere (the NY Times has a particularly apt one that blames Ally McBeal). But why is everyone so disappointed? What did we expect out of a network TV spinoff? I guess what upsets me is that Addison Shepherd (oh, sorry, Montgomery) was a truly likable character: she had brains and balls and wasn't afraid to go after what she wanted, even though crappy things have happened to her. I thought a spin-off with her as the main character could be the beginning of a one-hour drama that didn't show women as zany and sex-crazed. I thought it was cool she was going to have a baby on her own. Then she got into the elevator and it starting talking to her...and it wasn't Lorenzo Music. Sigh. When is Rhoda coming to DVD?

Grey's Antomy: Addy does Alex

Well, just in time for the big two-parter Addison spin-off episode, here is the handy Grey's Anatomy: Who's Done Whom spreadsheet. (and I think I finally figured out the technical glitches, so it should be nice and big—try clicking on it). Though I love Addison, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to commit to her new spin-off, even though Taye Diggs is in it, and I feel sorry for him since Daybreak and Kevin Hill bombed (actually, he kind of deserved the Kevin Hill thing, I mean, he was starring opposite a former ANTM. But I digress). But if they make it good enough, I just might have to stick around to watch Addison get her groove back.

That's right, folks, I made the pun. I promise not to do it again.

Grey's Anatomy: Who's Done Whom Update

In honor of tomorrow's new episode of Grey's Anatomy (recaps don't count!), here's an update to my handy Who's Slept with Whom spreadsheet.

What have we learned since last time? Though unassuming, George is clearly a slut. And maybe Cristina and Burke just might make it, because they are bringing in people from the past to up Cristina's booty count.

Also, some corrections from last time. One, Alex and Izzie did do it...he couldn't get it up when they were dating but I had forgotten that the bomb scare had totally turned him on. I had also forgotten about his banging of the terminally ill patient in the bar bathroom. But I promise not to forget about Alex's sexual activities anymore. Gee, I just can't wait for him to make sweet, sensitive love to the pregnant amnesiac with full-body bruising.

Grey's Anatomy: Who's Slept with Whom?

On Thursday's Grey's Anatomy, after giving each other "the look" for several episodes, Addison and Alex finally snogged. While this is awesome for obvious reasons, I'm starting to get worried about the writers having enough characters to intermix in the coming seasons. I began to worry, so to help myself visualize what we're working with here, I did the same thing I do at the office: I made a spreadsheet.

What I gleaned from it is the following:
1. Meredith is the sluttiest if you count out-of-hospital screws, but George is the sluttiest if you count interhospital bangs only (isn't that shocking?).
2. Izzie really can't catch a break, having only kissed people on the show (unless I'm wrong and she actually did sleep with Alex...as I remember it they never actually sealed the deal)
3. It's only a matter of time before Dr. Hahn boffs someone, even if she does seem frigid
4. Cristina and Burke are gonna break up, or they're going to start swinging.

I hope you find this spreadsheet as helpful as I did. You may also want to pass it along to friends who are new to the show, who can use it as a handy reference sheet. I'll update and repost it as necessary. (click on the image above for a closer look)

Click here for an updated spreadsheet!

Hooray Patrick Dempsey

In honor of tonight's season premiere of Grey's Anatomy, here is a hott photo of P.D. I've missed you, Cupcake!

Do yourself a favor and watch Grey's Anatomy already!

OK, people. ABC is going to start airing the entire first season of Grey's Anatomy on Thursday nights, two episodes from 9 (eastern) till 11.
At first I was embarrassed to get so hooked on this show, because it is clearly cheesy and everyone who comes into the hospital has some sort of ridiculous problem like male pregnancy or body parts spontaneously catching on fire. However, what won me over was the same thing that won me over in the early years of ER: Everyone is sleeping together. Also, they all hate each other (and themselves), which is refreshing. If that wasn't enough reasons, you occasionally get to see Patrick Dempsey (who plays a loveable asshole) in various stages on undress, and I'll give you a tip: you can see his bee-hind in one of the very first seconds of the first episodes, PLAYING TONIGHT!
And if you still think I'm a big loser, let me remind you: I read TV Guide every week so you don't have to.