The Bulge that Started It All

This is what happened:
Awhile back I posted about a British documentarian that looked like Mo Rocca.
Then I wrote about the episode of The Shield where Shane goes undercover as a cock fighter.
Then I added a link to a TMZ photo gallery of celebrity bulges.

And then, someone googled "mo rocca cock bulge" and my page came up. It was my best google hit ever.

So I wrote about it, and ever since then, Anterias has turned up as gay men and straight women google the bulges of their favorite actors. I've gotten Kevin Costner cock bulge, and, much to my delight, Michael Chiklis cock bulge no less than 4 times (though it may be the same person googling it over and over).

I wish I had a photo of either of these bulges, which, truth be told, are probably worth seeing if you're bored and horny and hanging out on the internet. But according to the Celebrity Nudity Database, which, I'm not even joking here, I discovered while doing legitimate research for my job one day, you'd have to go rent No Way Out and be fast with the pause button to Kevin's man parts pressing against his pants. And Michael Chiklis isn't even listed!

What I DO have is the kitty strangling scene from The Shield. And who doesn't want to see that?

My childhood cat died today, age 15. One of those rare animals you love more than most people.

Cat vs. AC

Above: Zooey sits in the cool breeze as he contemplates how lame the interior our apartment is.

A pall has been cast over my household. The trouble really started yesterday morning, when my furry companion, Zooey, dislodged one of the window shade seals on the side of my new air conditioning. You can see it just behind his head in the picture above; the one he managed to get through is behind the gate (that refuses to budge from the window) on the left. These things are supposed to have screws in them, but because of the way my window is designed they wouldn’t fit and I had to tape them in place. This tape, and Frigidaire’s cheap plastic that can easily get pushed out of its frame, was no match for this cat.

After noticing he wasn’t in the bathroom for his usual tap drinking in the morning, I saw him on the roof outside my window (running from pigeons, I think) and yelled, “Zooey! Get in here!” He was so excited from his jaunt in the out-of-doors that he momentarily lost his little mind and ran right up and jumped onto the windowsill and was all like, “Mom! I've been outside all morning!!”
At which point I shut the window, patched up the hole, and left for work.

When I came home, the poor little guy was inconsolable (see despairing photo, below). He spent the entire night by the window, angrily meowing at the former site of his escape and bemoaning his cruel, cruel fate in general (well, he did take a brief nap—meowing takes a lot of energy). I guess he thought he had found the portal to a new, exciting world, where the wind weaved its way into his nostrils and he heat of the sun warmed his fur. The ironic thing is, I had just spent the evening complaining to my therapist about life not being exciting enough, and now here I am denying the most exhilarating thing ever for him.

And now that he’s realized he could get to this other world he thought impossible, nothing’s quite the same. He doesn’t enjoy the little things, like playing in the bath tub, getting his tummy scritched, licking his stripes, and especially gazing out the window from the vantage point of his amazon.com box.

Poor guy. I’ll just have to rely on his short-term memory to get us out of this one.