Pop Culture Dreams

As a frequent dreamer and consumer of pop culture, I often have pop culture–related dreams. Which of these should I be the most worried about? (These are all real by the way, written down in my various dream journals in the past year.)

1. I'm in the back seat of a car with some people, on our way to a pool. Through a conversation we're having, I come to realize that the edition of Gone with the Wind that I have was not the original one. In both of our versions Rhett and Scarlett went to see a movie together, but in my version, the movie they go see is Star Wars, and there's a lot of talk about Star Wars. But in the real version, they went to see a different movie, and the version I have was a special promotional version that was put out when Star Wars came out. Suddenly it all seems so obvious--of course, Star Wars wasn't even out during the Civil War! and I say, "look, the only picture in mine is of a space ship from Star Wars!" I am devastated not only because I had been duped, but because the version of the book I have was my mother's, and its inscribed to her from her mother. And no one knew all along that it was the wrong version.

2. I'm in the final fashion show for America's Next Top Model and the challenge is that I'm supposed to walk down the runway looking mad.

3. At I'm work, which has relocated to two doors down from my apartment building. Howard K. Stern calls me from Anna Nicole's wake, or maybe it was Danilynn's birthday, I don't know. I'm pretty psyched about this because he wants to do a book, like an autobiography or something, with us, and I think it's going to make a ton of money. The next thing I know, he's in my cubicle, shaking the back of my chair, and he talks me into getting up and waltzing with him in space between our cubicles.

4. I'm making out with Vic Mackey.

5. Steve Martin is being honored at an awards show that I am in charge of. I see him on some steps and I think, "Is that Steve Martin? He looks like shit!" He's wearing a tux, but he's all unshaven and he just got out of rehab. Then he comes up to me and grumbles about how he maybe he shouldn't have come, and people aren't going to like him, etc. I grab the fleshy part of his face just above his chin and give him a kiss on the opposite cheek. We exchange meaningful looks.

6. My mom stabs Alan Arkin in the back of the neck.