Crappy Writing

So, I’ve been freelancing, doing manuscript evaluation for a self-publisher. (That is, people fork over big bucks so they can convince themselves they have a speck of talent or cultural significance, because they’ve been published). Can you guess which of the following sentences were NOT in one of the manuscripts I’ve read thus far?

1. His mother tugged on the cord connecting them like it was a line to a fish, rolling him over wavelets and troughs as hand over hand, she fetched him to her, the placenta floating and flaring like a jellyfish.
2. But time is always an uncertain ally and takes usually the side of the powerful while abandons the ones who are lazy.
3. “You’ll know me by my red hat, and my enormous jugs,” she told him.
4. These gladiators took time for prayer, and with a slap on the back and a few manly hugs, this small group moved back indoors for final preparations.




answer: #3 never appeared in a manuscript. It’s just what I say to guys on our first date.